Life's What You Make It ...

This is going to be a long one tonight I feel, but need to get all this off my chest…

Where do I start, maybe the fact that everything seems to be going wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. I have managed to piss off one of my best friends, in the process of her trying to help me figure my life out…

I probably have failed at uni because I give too much to my job, also the people on my course aren’t really my kind of people. Yeah I do have some amazing friends here at uni, however most of these music people are the arrogant people who I don’t like to socialise with - the people who think that they are the best. Little do they know that they will never be the best, there will always be someone better than you in the end. I also don’t see why my fucking uni is soo strict with lectures, I do my fucking work when I need to and I go to the lectures that have some sort of relevance to what I actually want to/need to do to do my work. It isn’t that I completely don’t care - I just don’t see the point in going to lectures that have sod all with what I am doing…

I really just can’t be arsed anymore. Even with friendships I manage to screw everything up, I manage to find a guy who really liked me for me and then I just pushed him away to the point where he thought there was no point in coming back - tbh there isn’t because you never know whats going to happen.

For fucks sake I don’t know how much of this I can take - when is it all going to become too much, everyone knows I am going to fuck up I feel like now they are just waiting for it to happen. When someone tells you that how you are coping is the right way, it encourages you to push the knife down that bit further every time. I don’t know if I want to be here anymore.

I don’t even know if I can do life anymore…

Living is just hard and depressing, I really don’t care - I made some stupid/reckless/irresponsible/plain wrong decisions this year anyway and now I can’t cope with them. I need help and I need to talk to someone but the person who I usually talk to about all the shit in my life is probably soo annoyed with me moaning on and on and fucking up my life more I don’t think I will bother them with it this time.

Yeah so maybe I may just push down that bit too hard tonight and all this will stop…

Night lovelies

xxx